The Surprising Secret To Getting Your Way When Dealing With Difficult People

Dealing with Difficult People

The older I get the more I realize that dealing successfully with people can be a real struggle at times. If every one was the same this little game would be a piece of cake. But as we all know everyone is different and unique, coming in all kinds of flavors.

Dealing with Difficult People

There have been hundreds maybe thousands of books written on the subject of how to deal with people. In Les Giblin’s great little book, How To Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, he offers 4 no-nonsense facts of life we all need to remember.

According to Les, If you are going to deal with people, whether they are children, wives, husbands, neighbors, bosses, workers, or convicts, you would do well to imprint the following permanently on your mind, and act accordingly:

4 THINGS YOU MUST REMEMBER WHEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE:

1. We are all egotists. 

2. We are all more interested in ourselves than in anything else in the world. 

3. Every person you meet wants to feel important, and to “amount to something.”

4. There is a craving in every human being for the approval of others, so that he can approve of himself. 

We are all ego-hungry. Les goes on to say that it is only after this hunger can be somewhat satisfied that we can forget about ourselves for a minute and begin to give some attention to someone else.

“It is only he who has learned to like himself who can be generous and friendly with other persons.”

So what is the real problem?

Yourself.  The real root of the problem lies in our own self-esteem.

But wait a minute – I thought you just said we were all egotists?

Well were are…but follow me on this…

Even the old theoretical psychologists used to think that the egotist had too high an opinion of himself and that the way to deal with him was to “show him up, ” or beat him down” and “knock some of his self-importance out of him.”

The problem is that many people try to use these types of methods with hard-to-get-along with people all the time and these  tactics never work.

“All they ever succeed in doing is make the other person even more hostile, and make his ego even more sensitive.” 

Thanks to the work of clinical psychologists who have studied case history of real people, we now know, for certain, that the self-centered, egotistical person is not suffering from too much self-esteem, but too little. 

If you’re on good terms with yourself you’re on good terms with others.

Once a person begins to like himself a little better, then he is able to like other people a little better. Studies have shown that in almost every instance a lack of true self-esteem was to blame for people being at odds with themselves and other people.

The cure – restoring self-esteem.

But how do you improve your self-esteem?

Well according to Les,

“The man or woman who realizes that he is “something” not because of what he has done or how good he has been, but by the grace of God in endowing him with a certain innate worth, develops a healthy self-esteem.”

I happen to agree with him.

So often people (and I’m guilty of this too) try to give themselves significance by making money, gaining power, trying to look perfect etc. Have you figured out that this does not work by now?

Take our Declaration of Independence for example – It places the “real” worth of an individual as a gift of God, rather than as anything the individual has made of himself.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men…are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights…”

Remember that?

Maybe our founding fathers were on to something?

Ask yourself where it is you find your “real” worth…

Ask yourself if you are consistently at odds with yourself and others…

Then remember that everyone struggles with this. Everyone wants to feel important and be accepted by others.

“Help the other fellow like himself better and you make him easier to get a long with”. 

So what’s the ultimate secret when dealing with difficult people?

#1 First like yourself.

Resolve any self-esteem issues. Determine once and for all where you get your value from.This will make you more tolerant, accepting, and able to focus on others.

#2 Help others feel better about themselves.

They need this just as much as you do if you want to get along with them. By helping others realize their worth and restoring their self-esteem they will be more receptive to you.

It’s funny how so many things in life work out for our good if we first help others.

“You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.” – Zig Ziglar

*Source via: How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People

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