A Simple Conversation Secret To Making People Instantly Feel Good About You

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So I just returned from FinCon13, a 4 day conference full of fellow bloggers and entrepreneurs.

 

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It was inspiring to meet so many other like-minded people doing amazing things.

 

I noticed however, after talking with hundreds of people over the last 4 days only a handful of them stand out in my mind.

 

This made me curious as to what the common link was between those who really made a good impression with me and those who I will probably never remember again. I don’t mean to be harsh – just real.

 

After doing some research on communication I began to understand why this was. As it turns out there are some very basic psychological principles at play here that make a BIG difference. So in the remainder of this post I’m going to share with you these little communication tips that will help you make a memorable and lasting impression on whomever you’re talking to.

 

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The problem I see too many people making when starting a conversation is talking entirely about them. When meeting people for the first time you want to ask questions that put the focus on them. You want to ask them questions about their business, life, family etc.

Ask them “feel Good Questions”

People want to be made to feel good about themselves, the conversations, and about YOU.

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Think back to the last conversation you had with someone where you felt really good about it.

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Seriously…take a minute & think about this. I’ll wait…

Ok now that you have this conversation in mind let me ask you a couple of questions.

 

  • Was the other person doing all the talking about themselves or were they asking you questions about you?
  • Did you get constantly interrupted or did you feel like the other person was generally interested in what you had to say?

 

I’m going to bet the conversations that you feel best about are not the ones that are centered around the other person or the ones where you can hardly get a word in.

 

So why do we miss this so often when trying to make a good impression with someone else? Why do we assume that the best way to do this is to talk about ourselves? Are you seeing where this is headed?

 

Great Conversation Starts By Caring

 

Over the weekend conference I heard some great speeches by those who have “made it” so to speak. That was to be expected. What wasn’t expected, however was the true genuineness I found there.

 

There is a reason that people like Pat Flynn, Derek Halpern, David Siteman Garland, Jaime Tardy, & Caleb Wojcik have such loyal followings. Yes, of course their content is amazing, but even more so than that these people genuinely care. They ask questions, they engage, they offer advice, and in the midst of it all they make you feel like you really matter. (Thanks guys :-))

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They understand that having a large audience goes hand in hand with helping people. There is a reason that people flock to them for advice and direction.

 

The real secret to making people feel good about you is to keep the conversation focused on them. Click To Tweet

 

Ask The Right Questions

 

You can easily do this by asking questions that communicate you care. For example: Go deeper than just a “What do you do?” question. Instead ask questions like:

 

  • How did you get started doing  _____
  • What do you enjoy most about _____
  • What is exciting you most about _____
  • Tell me more about _____
  • How do I know if someone I’m talking to is a good prospect for you?

 

Once you get the ball rolling you then want to follow-up by asking questions that keep the conversation flowing. If you are at an event for example here are some good questions to ask:

5 Questions To Keep The Conversation Flowing

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1. What’s your connection to the event?

2. What’s keeping you busy when you’re not at events like this or at work?

3. Are you getting away this summer?

4. Are you working on any charity initiatives?

5. How did you come to be in your line of work?

 

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Here’s the Secret: Ready…

 

When you start engaging in a conversation your number one objective should start with this thought:

“How can I add value to this person?”

Now here is the real mind-blowing thing about this. Once you approach the conversation in this way it immediately increases YOUR value in their mind’s eye.

So the next time you find yourself in a conversation where you want to make a good impression give these techniques a try and I guarantee you will be amazed at the results.

How About You?

 

Can you relate to these conversation tips?

Do you make an effort to ask people questions about themselves during a conversation? 

Do you know people who could benefit from these simple tips? Please share with it with those you care about to help them make good lasting impressions!

 

17 Comments

  • Great post and loved hearing you being interviewed on Entrepreneur on Fire today.

    All about showing people you care and being sincere. Amazing things happen when we use our 2 ears vs. 1 mouth.

    Cheers!

  • Great secret! I wish I read this last week as I was at a conference this past weekend. I try to listen to other people first but it’s something that I need more practice at. Thanks for the conversation starters (another pain point for me).

    • Haha thanks Glen. For some reason I don’t think any of these tips come naturally, but they do get easier with practice :-) Thanks for reading

  • That is SO true. I remember walking out of an interview once, wondering WTH the interviewer thought of me, when SHE talked the whole time! Well, she hired me :)

    • Wow! haha Great example. Funny how it works like that huh!? Thanks for sharing!

  • I only talked with one of these folks this past weekend, Pat Flynn, but when I think about it one of the first things he did was focus on me – and talked about how he remembered me from a previous conference – and how he had appreciated something I had done. He then asked me about the things I was working on.. It was definitely a feel good conversation.

    He genuinely comes across as someone who cares, and who wants to help others succeed as much as he has. I’m sure it’s a huge part of his success! Great post!

    • Absolutely! I came home and told my wife a very similar story about Pat. You can’t fake sincerity and this guy is as sincere as they come. I actually found this to be true of so many in attendance at FinCon. What a great bunch of people. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too!

  • I loved the conversations I had with people in St. Louis where I got to give them ideas about their latest project and they got excited and made a note to use my tip or suggestion.

    In my mind, that’s the best reason to attend conferences like FinCon, that exchange of ideas and enthusiasm is really valuable.

    • Hi Ben,

      Thanks for commenting. Well said and I totally agree. The exchange of ideas and enthusiasm are priceless. I think in the end the conversations and real connection are more valuable than the actual speeches.

  • Great points. It’s always about THEM and not us. It was nice to meet you last week especially as a fellow St. Louisan.

  • Great post with life-changing tips. They look simple and no-brainer but really powerful. It took me years to realize and learn what you wrote there, Joseph. Keep it up!

  • Bryan Z

    Reply Reply

    Hi Joseph,

    Great post. I completely agree with you on all of your points.

    By the way, it was great meeting you at the Pat Flynn meetup at Pi. Let me know if you are interested in meeting up in O town sometime. I sent a couple emails, but not sure if they went through or not.
    -bryan

  • Wow! I don’t know how I found your blog this morning but it is fantastic! The advice given is great. It sounds like the conference you all shared was very informative. I would love to attend something like that. I need to find out what is going on in the NY area, I’m on Long Island. As a new entrepreneur, I’m finding it really difficult to get the word out. Patience is key! I too look for new ways everyday to make people feel good, this is what life is all about! Thanks again!

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